I’m in my 20’s and these are the things I already regret.
We, as humans, perhaps my generation, perhaps all of us since the beginning of times. We are ridiculously stupid. We invented amazing things (wrong- not WE, but SOME of us – let’s not take credit for others, I didn’t invent anything in my lifetime). We want to be special we don’t want to take risks (not WE, but MOST of us). We want people to like us, it’s a survival thing. It also makes life more pleasant. But most of us don’t even know wtf we are.
Usually, I’d worry about typing wtf. – “Is it ok to abbreviate? How seriously do I want to make this? Will it affect the number of shares? Will people criticize me for cursing and abbreviating all at once? I don’t even curse, am I just trying to get attention with this? Where is this coming from? I shouldn’t post it. I’ll leave it in the drafts.”
We are stupid. I wrote “wtf” because it felt like the next right thing to type. There’s nothing more there to analyze. Wtf is wrong with us. This is exhausting.
Stop carrying about what others think and mostly what algorithms do. Fuck that. You are losing yourself and you are wasting your days.
Your life is essentially all you have. You were given time in a place with certain people around you. Thankfully you are not a tree, if you are not happy you can move. You can even transform yourself. You have a mind to think, a body to move. You can do whatever you want with both of them. In a world of choices chose the right things for you – you are the only person you have in this life.
Lovers can leave you, parents can leave you, kids can leave you. – It’s not sad, it’s life. Things come and go. – But you cannot EVER leave yourself. You will have to live with yourself until you die, whether you like it or not. Adopting a Buda mentality here will also make you stop holding to THINGS that don’t matter. Lose your mind and waste your time, your life over THINGS. Packing tons of things you don’t use. Not moving somewhere else because you manage somehow to turn yourself into a tree. Nothing will remain in the end but you with yourself until eventually that is gone too.
I cried for days when I resumed my THINGS to one large suitcase that went missing on my way from London to Los Angeles. I spent £200 on phone calls with this airplane company that was shut down after 3months. Would you be surprised if I told you it was called “WOW”? I emailed the guys at the airport and tried to find some empathy – the only thing that could get me my THINGS back. At some point, I had to accept that I could never see my designer shoes again and have to buy a new set of clothes and makeup to go by while I keep my Instagram alive with no money. What did I learn? That I could always get more things? That also, but mostly: having fewer things gave me more time. Dressed up faster. Makeup was done in 7min instead of 40min. If life is made out of time, having more time meant living more. Eventually, my suitcase appeared and was delivered to me in LA. 2 months later I traveled back to LA for another 3 months with just one cabin bag.
Who cares if you wear the same outfit until it has holes in it to then buy a new one – NOBODY. Who cares if you don’t do your hair a certain way? NOBODY. Nobody except you. So if YOU care about it, do it but if you don’t then stop wasting your time with that.
Do you go to the gym just to keep up with others, or do you actually enjoy it? There are a thousand ways to stay active if you go to the gym just to “check” without questioning if you’d rather do something else with that time – YOU ARE LOST. You were sold to the lifestyle or pressured into the idea that you have to go to the gym. No, you don’t. Even if you are fat. You have to do what YOU WANT to do.
No, you don’t NEED to finish high school. You don’t NEED to find someone to love you. You don’t NEED to get a job. You don’t even NEED to be healthy. But maybe you WANT to.
And this is why you don’t do it: you don’t actually love yourself. You hope no one will notice that you are not like them. You don’t have it all together. You do stupid things when no one is looking. You break the promises you make to yourself. And even when they are impressed with you, you are not. Because you fell under your expectations. And what YOU think of yourself if ultimately what matters because YOU are the only person you cannot just break up with and leave.
The number one person you need to have a healthy and happy relationship with is yourself. You need to stop being too tough and start being gentle. To stop lying to others as if the truth was THAT bad. WTF cares? No one but YOU. You are telling YOU that YOU are not as good as YOU should be, so you have to pretend so that others like you. Edit your photos, copy what others do, laugh at stupid jokes no one thinks it’s funny just to get a little shot of love from others because you cannot give it to yourself. You turned yourself into a follower because you need to see the others liking you to feel like it’s ok to like YOU.
And when someone asks you WHO ARE YOU? You panic because you don’t know. – “am I the person I aspire to be? should I be the one people see in me because of my “adjustments” when around others. Or am I the person I am when no one is looking? Certainly won’t answer that..” you are all of them. You are a soup of vegetables and even if they don’t like pees that’s what you are and what you have to offer. Whoever doesn’t like it can starve or go find another soup.
Do you understand that this attitude is all you need to be happy and start living? Do you understand that reading 100 books in a month won’t save you? Creating the next unicorn app won’t save you. Having a “put together and all happy family” won’t save you?
The guilt when you spent the day relaxing because self-worth comes from productivity. The need to explain it to yourself or even to others. “I will be productive tomorrow”. The comfort in blending in when you finally figured out how they like you the most.
You are possessed. Like a hamster running around in the same place. Stop it. Get out of it.
You always wanted to move to Bali, then WTF are you waiting for? Really. Someone, to tell you it’s a good idea? Someone, to go with you? There’s plenty of people in Bali. No one will validate your dreams. Don’t wait for that. Everyone always told me I was “a dreamer” for wanting to do something and as soon as I’d do it after the short-lived “wow” came “I couldn’t because I’m not like you”. People think you can’t because they think they can’t. And they think you are like them.
If it goes wrong? Things go wrong every day. A different kind of wrong won't kill you. To live is to understand that you cannot avoid pain, but you can always grow from it. Trust me, you will be fine.
If you are going to be one thing in this life, be happy. If you are going to be two, be happy and a good influence.
Being successful is not about money, friends, or recognition. People want lots of money because they want freedom – be free of this BS. People want lots of friends because they can’t live with themselves, you will never be lonely. Anywhere you go there is always someone that can be a friend for a little while. People seek recognition from others because they can’t trust to evaluate for themselves. If you are an amazing artist and no one sees it, keep fucking going for the love of God. So many OUTSTANDING artists were only recognized after they died. If people don’t see what you see, then you are probably ahead of them. Losing that is losing yourself. Pleasing the crowd is only smart if it resonates within. We all have different stories to live. Stop holding back or waiting for approval. Go do it. All of it. Get all of your ideas out and when they stop talking. Continue. Because YOU are with YOU and YOU is all that matters.
No, I didn’t review this. My battery is at 1% and I need to go have a shower and start my day. If you find any grammatical mistakes leave it in the comments. I might come back. Hopefully, it won’t stop you from getting the message. Hopefully, it will stick with you. Hopefully, it will stick with me. That’s why I wrote it. If the algorithm brings it to you, enjoy it. I used to leave this stuff on my notes.
London, Wednesday 8 April 2020 13:15
